As you may or may not have guessed, I had decided to employ the Fade Away technique on UL. We weren't dating (clearly) and actually reside in different states, so it seemed like the logical conclusion to our acquaintance once I decided that I wasn't interested in pursuing something with him in 49 days (not that I'm counting). I hadn't heard from him in about a week when the following text exchange occurred.
UL: You better not be trying to fade away on me.
C: I have been so busy!
UL: It's good to be busy.
I have not heard a peep from him since. Some would say that this is avoidance, plain and simple. I can't disagree. However, I've got a real question - what is kinder, being honest and open with a guy by saying "Look, I'm just not that into you," or avoiding a scene by saying something like "Wow, I have been really busy lately," which is pretty universally acknowledged to mean the same thing. I'm not rude or a coward (though to be honest, I have been known to read this in my former incarnation as a single person) so if he contacts me again, I will be honest and straight-forward with him. The truth is that I'm not interested in him romantically. Somewhere between the emails and meeting him, my interest in him simply faded away.
6 comments:
Old post, but I have to say this.
No, you're just incredibly immature and self-centered. You should respect someone as an adult and be direct, even if it hurts you. Because...well, a break up isn't about making YOU comfy, it's about speaking to someone in a loving manner.
People who can't do this don't deserve a committed, loving relationship because they're kids. I hope you're having to keep that mess to yourself. You're the type of awful woman who makes it hard for the rest of us ladies who are considerate and good to men! :(
You're the type of woman that even adult men don't want to be with. How do I know? I'm an adult man. And I know what it's like to be on both sides of the "Fade Away," and let me tell you, it sucks doing it to someone and it sucks to be done to, but it is way better than the bitter feeling afterward when you have to tell someone that you've barely started dating that you don't want to be with them, or being told that.
And something to consider, she's not talking about a committed, long-term relationship here. This is in reference to casually dating someone.
P.S. Just in case you were wondering, she married me. And we're both happier than we've ever been.
If we aren't adults, oh well. It's fun being in the most mature, committed relationship embarked upon by "kids."
Nick,
I can't believe you're defending this puerile female who seriously thinks that simply fading away is an appropriate way to end a relationship (however short).
It *is* childish. It is *selfish*.
Your infatuation with her doesn't negate any of that.
And surely if it has only been 'casual dating', however you wish to define it, it is a relatively simply matter to simply say, 'oh, I am sorry but I don't think we're suited. Good luck!'
Use common sense and intuition here. The fade-away is coward, rude and disrespectful unless you've only been on a few dates and both of you realize you're not right for one another.
I recently had a guy just disappear...with only one nonchalant text. granted we were together only 2 months but we connected really well, shared a lot (though of course mostly infatuation) but it seemed great potential. The day before I never heard from him again (no sex but I did stay over) he was talking about doing things over the summer, telling me how great we are, how we complement one another, how stunningly beautiful I am, how he was so happy to be with me... and then poof...next day he updates profile on dating site, sends me a nonchalant text a few days letter and that's it. passive-aggressive.
I am an adult...I can handle rejection, esp. since it was only 2 months. Just be straight. I'm hurt and disrespected moreso that he just had no decency to acknowledge me or my feelings.
If he's scared to hurt me in person or on phone ...then send me an email saying, "Hey, it was great getting to know you. I don't think we're going to work but I enjoyed the time we spent together. I wish you well and good luck."
I'd send something like that if there was any connection or talk of future, etc... It shows respect and caring to the other person, rather than ignore or fade like they don't exist. I'm not crying over this man. I am thankful it didn't last longer if disappearing is his method of communication.
I'm sorry but "being busy" ye we get the hint...but sometimes people really are busy and it's not easy to decipher when someone keeps saying that. cut the cord directly and honestly. saves lingering and helps get over more quickly. seriously why would you take almost 2 months of this guy thinking you still have future with you to end it. it's rude and I have no respect.
I love this. I do this all the time.
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