There's no comparison

Part of me wonders why I ever agreed to the stealth set-up with TT last night at L's house. Don't get me wrong, TT is basically amazing, and I spent the bulk of this morning gaga over the guy. However, with 90 days until I can actually DO anything about it (not that I'm counting) I wish that L and I would have waited a while to perform our thinly veiled stunt - which he saw right through, by the way.

So, let me enumerate some of his great qualities - he is decidedly tall, dark haired, handsome, interesting, funny, educated, a world traveler, gainfully employed, super nice, adorable with kids, and active in the church. Hot, right? After dinner, dessert and a lot of laughing, I made my exit with the other couple that had been invited. TT stuck around after we had left, and I was sure it was by design in order to get the scoop on me.

I emailed L last night thanking her for the dinner, because I am polite like that. I also may have mentioned that I think TT is dreamy, and does he like me? Or like like me? Huh, huh, huh?

L didn't keep me in suspense for long. She replied this morning that TT wasn't about to say whether or not he was interested in me, and that "time will tell." He also expressed concerns about divorced women in general. Apparently he's worried about being compared to the ex-spouse. When I read this I had to laugh as he's not even cognizant of the fact that he shares the same first name with MT, which absolutely begs for comparison.

I understand his trepidation about getting involved with a divorcee. As this blog boldly declares, in general, a relationship with a divorced woman would be much more complicated than a traditional relationship with a never-married. Girlfriend and I both get it. However, I'm not overly concerned about the stereotype. I believe that my personal situation is pretty exceptional and doesn't really cast a bad light on me at all - especially if you know the particulars. I'm pretty much a catch, divorce notwithstanding. And I stand by the declaration that I made to L last week: that any man you set me up with, stealthily or otherwise, will be thanking you.

Anyway, in true L style, the evening was absolutely lovely. I'm not holding my breath that something will happen between me and TT. I keep thinking that he is so great that surely he'll be snapped up in the next 90 days (not that I'm counting) leaving me back at square one. But if he's been single for nearly three decades, what's a few more months, right? We'll see if my luck holds out.

...And in case you're wondering TT would NOT suffer by comparison to MT. But I really think the phrase "there's no comparison" applies in this case.

Take Two

Almost instantly upon meeting me and learning of my "single" status, people inevitably want to set me up with their single son/brother/friend/cousin/neighbor/former roommate/mission companion/coworker. My friend, Lovely, is no different. L is one of the first women that I met in my new ward. We instantly clicked, and have become fast friends. Over the course of one of our various conversations, L expressed an interest in introducing me to her single cousin. He is well within my age range (ahem, Girlfriend), gainfully employed, tall, fun, and good with L's three children. Oh, and did I mention that he shares the same first name with MT?

Have you ever seriously dated two men of the same name? Has this been a problem for you? Perhaps oddly, I have little to no concern about dating TT (Take Two) in 92 days (not that I'm counting). What's in a name anyhow? I would be stupid to discount him based solely on that.

That said, L has invited me to dinner at her house tomorrow night. TT will be there. This is what I like to call the pre-date. I get the opportunity to get to know TT a little without having to commit to an actual date. This is especially nice as I'm not currently dating. As stupid as it may sound, I am excited about the prospect. I have carefully chosen my outfit (I'm going for the understated hot look - don't want to be too OTT) and am selecting some MT-free anecdotes to charm him with. I haven't been on a first date (let alone a pre-date) in over six years. I'll let you all know how it goes. Hopefully TT will prove himself worthy of taking the name for a second spin. And as L pointed out, at least I'd never call out the wrong name by accident.

The Young One... XO for reals.

Ahhhh... TYO... So, I'm fully aware that I may be totally losing it... but I have a silly crush on a boy that is WAY younger than me. The thing is... I didn't go after him... he contacted me first on an LDS singles website. (Like Complication, I too have dabbled a little in the weird and wacky world of LDS singles sites.) I was just on there looking around you know... checking out the horror of my future life when he sent me this "I'm interested in You" thing. So this is how it went down. I wrote back and said, "do you know how old I am?" and he's like... yes. So, because I was only snooping around, I didn't have a picture up... so I told him to go to my facebook, and that's where it all began. I started talking to him online every few days... and we just totally clicked! I know it's nuts for sure! But I don't care really. I'm just hoping for a NCMO in about 29 days :)!!!

The Sad News about TYO. He has this girl here in town this weekend... and I'm scared he's going to like, stop talking to me! I really need to get a new love interest/crush before I get too attached to this boy! AAAAAHHHH! It's nuts!!! hahahaha!

It's completely silly and won't go anywhere... but I am truly so thankful to have met him... it's been the best distraction for me and a major stress reliever. And he's freakin' cute for reals... oh and funny too, and a good boy. He refuses to meet me in person, or even talk to me on the phone before my D is final, which is good because I am totally weak! I would probably go for "hanging out" if he would agree because I am seriously TRUNKY and ready... so so so ready to be FREE AND SINGLE!

So... I'm trying to go on a TYO diet... but it's so hard to resist contacting him... it's so bad! I need to be strong!!! Every day I make a to-do list you know... and every day I write something to the effect of, "No Facebook" or today I wrote, "No TYO until after I get back from Utah". I am ridiculously weak. It never happens! I can't resist the temptation!!! I'm so weak in fact that I sent him this stupid email earlier tonight that I totally should not have sent! I'm just freaked that he's out with this girl who, by the way, is NOT cute enough for him, but that's beside the point... I'm sure she's a good person! ugh.

So... do you want to read it? Should I totally embarrass myself? This is anonymous... and it might be nice to get it off my chest. Hm.

Oh by the way... I did talk to him online like 3 times this week... late at night when I couldn't sleep. Ugh! what am I doing??? Being dumb.

So... I've decided not to put the email in here because it's just not that interesting!! But the point is... I need to leave that boy alone... and I'm going to. From this day forward... no TYO. For serious. Unless he contacts me first... even then, I think I should resist, right?? I don't think I can!!! Help!!

What's the hold up?

You may be asking yourself - why are Girlfriend and Complication waiting 29 and 94 days respectively (not that we're counting) before entering the dating pool? Well, it's complicated. The long and the short of it is that we are not dating until our divorces are final. Every state is different, and our state has a (seemingly absurdly long) mandatory waiting period before the divorce can become final. In some states this waiting period can be mutually waived. But not ours. Of course not. I have a judgment stamped and signed by a judge. The divorce has been granted. Now it's just a waiting game. Of course some would say that since I am legally separated, and it's just an arbitrary calendar date, that I could/should start dating as soon as I feel ready. Well, I feel ready now. However, I have been counseled by my Bishop that I am not to date before the divorce is final. I have taken that council to heart, even when, perhaps especially when, MT manages to make a mockery of this advice at every turn. When I start dating, I want to look back at this period of relational limbo and say that my conduct has been beyond reproach.

That said, emotionally speaking, I am so ready to date. MT was behaving so badly the last year of our marriage that I have reached the "good riddance" stage in record time. I must be giving off the single vibe quite strongly as I have been asked out multiple times in the past few weeks. To the car wash cashier, I simply said "No, thank you." However, to UL (undercover lover) I said "May I please have a rain check?" That's right. I have a date in 94 days (not that I'm counting).

About a month ago, a force of nature took over my brain. It was equal parts curiosity, boredom and a desire to "practice" the art of seduction/witty banter/engagingly flirtatious emails that had lain dormant since 2002. I decided to sign up for an LDS dating site on a whim. I stated boldly in my bare-bones profile that I was only looking for friends at this juncture. However, this proclamation did nothing to stem the tide of desperation flowing through the internet directly into my inbox. I have since hidden my profile, so don't go trying to find me.

This short-lived experiment confirmed three things in my mind;

1. There are in fact some decent guys out there that are looking for nice girls like me and Girlfriend. Not the least of which is UL.
2. There are a lot of desperate weirdos out there as well. Yikes.
3. I may be too young for this type of dating.

Due to my age which Girlfriend alluded to in her earlier post, I still qualify to attend a YSA ward for a few more years, which I guess I'll be doing in 94 days (not that I'm counting.) Until then, I'll be exploring prospects online and wherever else I can meet them. I am not dating now, but I plan to have a full social calendar when I am.

Who are the Complicated Ladies - part 2

Oh yes… It IS complicated… so complicated in fact, that I hesitate to tell too much so as to not totally confuse or bore you… or give away too much in case anyone recognizes my story. Hmmmm. Basically, like Complication, I was totally surprised by my soon-to-be ex-husband’s (hereafter called “X”) lack of desire to be married. Our stories are different though in many ways. First of all, X sucked from day ONE. From what I’ve heard, MT was pretty cool for a few years.

I seriously knew, and I’m not kidding, that I was in BIG TROUBLE on my wedding day. But what could I do? I was only 20 years old, insecure, and let’s just say it… STUPID. There’s a picture of me in my wedding dress sitting down at the reception with this… “What have I done?” look on my face… I actually remember thinking that when the picture was taken.

Even so, I had promised to do my best in the marriage, and remained very loyal to him, and NEVER EVER dreamed that we would end up divorced. I did the best I could under the circumstances, and will be the first to admit that I wasn’t perfect AT ALL. But I had a strong desire to be a good wife and mother. I had made a commitment, and I for one, wasn’t joking. I did the best I could. What can I say.

I forgive him.

But he drives me UP THE FREAKIN’ WALL.

I have to say, that our marriage wasn’t 100% bad… only about 70%. I think he really did the best he could, but just wasn’t capable of being a decent husband (MAJOR understatement). It wasn’t just the Bipolar and ADHD… he also has major female issues, and big time honesty issues which stems from being raised by a coo-coo mother.

THE GOOD NEWS:

I am happier now, and have more hope for my future, than I have ever had in my whole life. Yes, I am old… much MUCH older than Complication… but I don’t care. I truly believe that I will somehow miraculously find a really good man to marry who will truly respect and love me. I know he’s out there somewhere.

I need to have a serious prospect before age 40... so I better get on it!

So, I’ll be free to start my own Guerilla Marketing campaign in only 29 days. I’m hoping for all kinds of fun/funny experiences as I enter the oh-so-freaky Single Adult dating scene. So, check back often to read the drama.

By the way… I already have a story to tell about that… and it's a little naughty and crazy...shhhh.

I would love to know

How do you go from this:

hey beautiful.

You mean the world to me, and nothing else is more important in my life than your happiness. I wish that I could devise a way to show you how much you mean to me. You consistently make me happy and you have no idea how amazed I am by you and the fact that you are willing to marry me. I didn't think there was a person like you on earth and when I found you I didn't think someone like me had a chance. I would throw everything in my life away for the chance to be with you. I just can't wait to spend forever with you and I wish it could start today, or even yesterday. You mean everything to me and I will always be there
for you. Always.

Always.

i love you
-MT

to this:

the utilities are changed

-MT

I don't think I'll ever know the answer.

Who are the Complicated Ladies - part 1

By way of introduction - Complication:

After half a decade of togetherness, MT (man-toddler) finally owned up to the fact that he was not the marrying type after all, much to my horror. As trite as it sounds, we grew apart. More specifically, I grew up, and he grew to crave the company of 16-20 year old girls. I worked all the live-long day, while he worked out a way to spend six years in junior college without ever earning any form of degree. I longed for children, he longed for his freedom. After a year of his various attempts to Beastie Boy (sabotage) the marriage, all of which I noted then dismissed, he admitted, FINALLY, that he wanted me to leave. I found an apartment the next day, and we filed for divorce the following day, shocking our families and closest friends.

In my classiest moments I can speak warmly of the good times, hardly letting the complicated and hurtful past few years color my tone. There is still a lot that I admire about MT - he is a very kind, fun, interesting, intelligent, adventurous, generous and playful person. In my heart I still love him for all of those good things. But (and this is a big but) no matter how much love and admiration you feel for a person, the fact remains that love is not enough. Love can't force the hand of either party. Sometimes love and respect keep seperate quarters. And possibly, most hurtfully, love does not erase the huge lack of class and maturity shown by MT before, during, and especially since our split.

I am in limbo a few more months before I start my full-frontal assault on the dating scene. Girlfriend knows that I plan to engage in a guerrilla marketing-style dating campaign in just 95 days. Not that I'm counting.

So that's Complication. I'll let Girlfriend speak for herself. Believe me - it's complicated.