I've heard about it, I've read about it, I've even seen an episode of Scrubs about it, but until recently I had yet to observe the phenomenon personally. Apparently, something about turning over another decade sends people into panic mode. TT starts his fourth decade of living in just a few days, which prompted him to indulge his personal crisis by suddenly fleeing the state. I'm sure that he would prefer that this trip is viewed as a spontaneous vacation - one of the benefits of being single. However, the truth is that he's running away from reality, if but for a week.
What gives? KBD (my girlfriend that is kinda a big deal) is turning thirty just days after TT. Not only is she not at all bothered by this fact, she is fabulously looking forward to being thirty, and is appropriately reinventing herself by going to grad school. I will say that thirty is different in the church (KBD is not a Yummy). Thirty means you are this close to being kicked out of the YSA ward. Plus, growing older and staying single for men has some menace to society connotations, that I'm sure TT would like to avoid. But did he also intend to avoid the nebulous plans that we had brewing to get together this week? Of course nothing was set in stone, and it was not a date, as I am not viable for another 39 days (not that I'm counting). He didn't break our plans, just postponed them, claiming that the wait would make it that much more exciting! I'm not going to lie, I was pretty excited already, as he is a pretty exciting person. And pretty dreamy. And nice. And, I could go on.
Excitement, dreaminess, niceness et cetera notwithstanding, I can see that TT is feeling like a bit of a big fat failure as he is turning thirty, single, and unemployed (in the traditional sense - he doesn't have a 9 to 5). At least he's not homeless. And I really hope he hasn't soiled himself.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
RED FLAG DATING
I have to apologize. I have been the all-time WORST blog partner! So sorry C! The thing is. I have been ridiculously busy having lots of fun/drama since my divorce was final on July 23rd. Plus, I'm moving, getting ready for fall semester, and took a road trip to Utah in July. So I guess I should update you on what I've been up to. I hope it's not boring. I will try to make it interesting.
I went out to dinner with a couple of single girl friends about a week before my divorce was to be final. Well, I was getting seriously anxious for it all to be over and to FINALLY get to at least have male friends and hang out. So, my friends suggested I get on LDSMingle.com. So I did that night. Well, the next day I was contacted by a not so bad looking guy. We'll call him... lemme think. How about The Lame One? I think I'll call him "Lame" for short because I think I've decided that the initials are semi-difficult to keep straight. So anyway, we started emailing back and forth, and he seemed like a really nice guy. I mean actually he is a nice guy (sort of) but... there were some major RED FLAGS that I basically ignored. Why did I do this? Well, because maybe I just wanted a date the day my D was final? Because I needed a rebound relationship before really getting down to business? I don't know! All I'm saying is, I'm glad that I got my rebound relationship over with, and that it was with someone I really could/would never marry. So, we decided to go out to lunch, just as friends before my D was final, (please don't judge, I mean, go ahead if you must) and we did, and I was fairly impressed with Lame. Here's the "impressive" description: Tall, OK looking (though not my type), Lawyer & Professor, House in Costa Rica, BMW, Good Dad, Lakers Tickets!! So far, so good, right? And I met him on an LDS singles website, so yeah... what could really be wrong with this guy?
OK back up... The first email he sent me, which should have been my first clue not to bother: "Who do you prefer: Steve Miller or the Scorpions?" What the freak. Well, of course I'm not like, 100 years old, so I don't like either. That should have been my first clue that it wasn't going to work out! I mean. I'm no spring chicken, but I still like good music and I'm so not stuck in a time warp! So, I would call that RED FLAG #1: OLD BORINGNESS. So, I'm like, "I'm guessing you are joking but, If I HAD TO choose I guess I would pick the Scorpions." Well, long story short, 3 weeks later, I found myself at THE MOST BORING CONCERT OF ALL TIME: Steve Miller Band. UGH! That's another story entirely. So, the reason we didn't go to the Scorpions was... the concert was on Sunday and I'm kind of strict about Sundays, and if I'm going to break the Sabbath, it's definitely NOT going to be for the freakin' SCORPIONS! What??? Oh goodness. RED FLAG #2: BREAKING THE SABBATH FOR A SUPER LAME CONCERT.
So, we went out for a couple of weeks, and I noticed pretty immediately that he would always make a joke, or change the subject when I tried to talk about spiritual things. So, for some reason, I could tell that he wasn't really living the standards, let's just say. So, I told him that under no circumstances would I get married outside the temple. And so, I asked him straight out... do you wear your g's? And he's like, no. And i'm like RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG! in my mind. He explained why, and it's super lame so I'm not going into it, because I'm basically sick of the subject. But still, I wanted to give him a chance because I really believe that people can make mighty changes in their lives, so I continued to try and bring up the subject of getting back to the temple etc, and well. He just finally realized I think, that he really isn't interested in that. Long story short... suddenly OUT OF NOWHERE... complete email, phone, and text silence. Like for real. Happened overnight. And I have to say... I didn't really care. I mean... I didn't cry over it (and I am the biggest bawl-baby). He just wasn't right for me. RED FLAG #3: NO TEMPLE RECOMMEND AND NO DESIRE TO GET ONE. So, I got over that one pretty quick, and I'm actually really happy to be out of that relationship. OH! I forgot. Also, he kept bringing up the subject of sex. I mean really, he couldn't shut up about it. AND he was constantly trying to get in my pants. Well... he wasn't successful, but I would call that RED FLAG #4: OBSESSED WITH SEX, NOT OBSESSED W/THE GOSPEL. So I'm glad to be rid of him, because I was soooo conflicted about him because of his lack of spirituality and other things to be frank. That confliction (not a word probably) was making me crazy, and I never REALLY felt good about him. He looked good on paper, but really, not my type. Note to Lame: good luck finding a better girl than me. For real. I'm not even kidding.
Moral of the story: Don't ignore RED FLAGS. They are there for a reason. To protect you.
So, in the meantime, I met this other guy. We are just friends because yes... he is also young, like TYO (the young one). But I must confess, I have a ridiculous crush on him. He is perfection. He's hilarious, cute, tall, fun, cool, spiritual and smart. Oh Boy. There is a long story about him, but it will have to wait till next time because I have a MILLION things to do today. No lie.
I went out to dinner with a couple of single girl friends about a week before my divorce was to be final. Well, I was getting seriously anxious for it all to be over and to FINALLY get to at least have male friends and hang out. So, my friends suggested I get on LDSMingle.com. So I did that night. Well, the next day I was contacted by a not so bad looking guy. We'll call him... lemme think. How about The Lame One? I think I'll call him "Lame" for short because I think I've decided that the initials are semi-difficult to keep straight. So anyway, we started emailing back and forth, and he seemed like a really nice guy. I mean actually he is a nice guy (sort of) but... there were some major RED FLAGS that I basically ignored. Why did I do this? Well, because maybe I just wanted a date the day my D was final? Because I needed a rebound relationship before really getting down to business? I don't know! All I'm saying is, I'm glad that I got my rebound relationship over with, and that it was with someone I really could/would never marry. So, we decided to go out to lunch, just as friends before my D was final, (please don't judge, I mean, go ahead if you must) and we did, and I was fairly impressed with Lame. Here's the "impressive" description: Tall, OK looking (though not my type), Lawyer & Professor, House in Costa Rica, BMW, Good Dad, Lakers Tickets!! So far, so good, right? And I met him on an LDS singles website, so yeah... what could really be wrong with this guy?
OK back up... The first email he sent me, which should have been my first clue not to bother: "Who do you prefer: Steve Miller or the Scorpions?" What the freak. Well, of course I'm not like, 100 years old, so I don't like either. That should have been my first clue that it wasn't going to work out! I mean. I'm no spring chicken, but I still like good music and I'm so not stuck in a time warp! So, I would call that RED FLAG #1: OLD BORINGNESS. So, I'm like, "I'm guessing you are joking but, If I HAD TO choose I guess I would pick the Scorpions." Well, long story short, 3 weeks later, I found myself at THE MOST BORING CONCERT OF ALL TIME: Steve Miller Band. UGH! That's another story entirely. So, the reason we didn't go to the Scorpions was... the concert was on Sunday and I'm kind of strict about Sundays, and if I'm going to break the Sabbath, it's definitely NOT going to be for the freakin' SCORPIONS! What??? Oh goodness. RED FLAG #2: BREAKING THE SABBATH FOR A SUPER LAME CONCERT.
So, we went out for a couple of weeks, and I noticed pretty immediately that he would always make a joke, or change the subject when I tried to talk about spiritual things. So, for some reason, I could tell that he wasn't really living the standards, let's just say. So, I told him that under no circumstances would I get married outside the temple. And so, I asked him straight out... do you wear your g's? And he's like, no. And i'm like RED FLAG! RED FLAG! RED FLAG! in my mind. He explained why, and it's super lame so I'm not going into it, because I'm basically sick of the subject. But still, I wanted to give him a chance because I really believe that people can make mighty changes in their lives, so I continued to try and bring up the subject of getting back to the temple etc, and well. He just finally realized I think, that he really isn't interested in that. Long story short... suddenly OUT OF NOWHERE... complete email, phone, and text silence. Like for real. Happened overnight. And I have to say... I didn't really care. I mean... I didn't cry over it (and I am the biggest bawl-baby). He just wasn't right for me. RED FLAG #3: NO TEMPLE RECOMMEND AND NO DESIRE TO GET ONE. So, I got over that one pretty quick, and I'm actually really happy to be out of that relationship. OH! I forgot. Also, he kept bringing up the subject of sex. I mean really, he couldn't shut up about it. AND he was constantly trying to get in my pants. Well... he wasn't successful, but I would call that RED FLAG #4: OBSESSED WITH SEX, NOT OBSESSED W/THE GOSPEL. So I'm glad to be rid of him, because I was soooo conflicted about him because of his lack of spirituality and other things to be frank. That confliction (not a word probably) was making me crazy, and I never REALLY felt good about him. He looked good on paper, but really, not my type. Note to Lame: good luck finding a better girl than me. For real. I'm not even kidding.
Moral of the story: Don't ignore RED FLAGS. They are there for a reason. To protect you.
So, in the meantime, I met this other guy. We are just friends because yes... he is also young, like TYO (the young one). But I must confess, I have a ridiculous crush on him. He is perfection. He's hilarious, cute, tall, fun, cool, spiritual and smart. Oh Boy. There is a long story about him, but it will have to wait till next time because I have a MILLION things to do today. No lie.
Monday, August 11, 2008
A call to action
Dear Girlfriend,
As me and all loyal IC readers know, your divorce is now final, and you have begun your full-force attack on dating. Why, oh why, Girlfriend, do you deprive us of your dating anecdotes, be they joyful, painful or just plain funny? Why do you rob us of your wisdom and wit by not putting fingers to keyboard in over a month? Why do you forget me, your once-sister-in-waiting, in pursuit of MOD (Man of Dreams) without so much as a quick two-line update here on IC. This is a call to action.
We're waiting.
love,
Complication
As me and all loyal IC readers know, your divorce is now final, and you have begun your full-force attack on dating. Why, oh why, Girlfriend, do you deprive us of your dating anecdotes, be they joyful, painful or just plain funny? Why do you rob us of your wisdom and wit by not putting fingers to keyboard in over a month? Why do you forget me, your once-sister-in-waiting, in pursuit of MOD (Man of Dreams) without so much as a quick two-line update here on IC. This is a call to action.
We're waiting.
love,
Complication
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Fade Away
As we all know, the Fade Away (or the Fade Out) is a technique in dating wherein one party decides to end an acquaintance/relationship by incrementally reducing contact. Reduced text messaging or email, infrequent phone calls, and no hanging out full-stop. Within about three weeks you have successfully ended your relationship without that pesky break-up scene.
As you may or may not have guessed, I had decided to employ the Fade Away technique on UL. We weren't dating (clearly) and actually reside in different states, so it seemed like the logical conclusion to our acquaintance once I decided that I wasn't interested in pursuing something with him in 49 days (not that I'm counting). I hadn't heard from him in about a week when the following text exchange occurred.
I have not heard a peep from him since. Some would say that this is avoidance, plain and simple. I can't disagree. However, I've got a real question - what is kinder, being honest and open with a guy by saying "Look, I'm just not that into you," or avoiding a scene by saying something like "Wow, I have been really busy lately," which is pretty universally acknowledged to mean the same thing. I'm not rude or a coward (though to be honest, I have been known to read this in my former incarnation as a single person) so if he contacts me again, I will be honest and straight-forward with him. The truth is that I'm not interested in him romantically. Somewhere between the emails and meeting him, my interest in him simply faded away.
As you may or may not have guessed, I had decided to employ the Fade Away technique on UL. We weren't dating (clearly) and actually reside in different states, so it seemed like the logical conclusion to our acquaintance once I decided that I wasn't interested in pursuing something with him in 49 days (not that I'm counting). I hadn't heard from him in about a week when the following text exchange occurred.
UL: You better not be trying to fade away on me.
C: I have been so busy!
UL: It's good to be busy.
I have not heard a peep from him since. Some would say that this is avoidance, plain and simple. I can't disagree. However, I've got a real question - what is kinder, being honest and open with a guy by saying "Look, I'm just not that into you," or avoiding a scene by saying something like "Wow, I have been really busy lately," which is pretty universally acknowledged to mean the same thing. I'm not rude or a coward (though to be honest, I have been known to read this in my former incarnation as a single person) so if he contacts me again, I will be honest and straight-forward with him. The truth is that I'm not interested in him romantically. Somewhere between the emails and meeting him, my interest in him simply faded away.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Dream Lover
I just had to make a quick post about the interesting news I just received. Almost as soon as I strolled into the office this morning, WF (Work Friend) just HAD to share her news with me. She had a dream this weekend that I got married. The groom? None other than TT. I showed her some pictures of the fair last week, and that was all it took. He is now my dream lover - well at least according to WF. I'll take it.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The Fair Affair
A week or so after I received the "fun personality" email from L, I was surprised and delighted to receive a follow-up email inviting me to accompany her family to our county fair. Specifically, the email stated that TT told L to invite me, and we could all go. L is so lovely that she was worried that this might be considered a date, and wondered if going with a married couple and their three kids would "pass as legal." What a doll. I actually adore the fair, and I was despairing that I might not be able to rope anyone into going with me this year, so this invitation was perfect. I responded that I would absolutely love to go, and I considered the invite as L and TT taking pity on my poor unfortunate soul, and thus not a date, as I don't do pity dates.
I anxiously awaited the outing for the next several days. I didn't want to get too excited about it, just to have my hopes dashed, so I did my best to temper my bubbling enthusiasm for what lay ahead. Even if I were severely disappointed in TT upon our third meeting (who I hadn't encountered for 3 or 4 weeks at this point) I would still have the fair.
Well, I couldn't have over-expected as the magic of the fair over-delivered big time. Here's a quick overview:
People in our group: 9
Animals petted: 8
Fried foods eaten: 5
Dares: 1 series, escalating
Rides: 3
Inside jokes created: about a million
Awkward silences: 0
Times our hands, arms and/or legs accidentally brushed together: multiple
Times I liked it: all
Hours spent at the fair: 7
Phone numbers exchanged: 2
People that are now gaga: at least 1, maybe 2
The next day I got an email from L thanking me for being part of the group, and not so subtly asking for me to dish on TT. She said that we seemed like "two peas in a pod" and that we had too much in common and too much "click" to not have at least the potential of something promising in our future. She also offered to create more opportunities for us to get together in a group setting so as to not upset the delicate not-a-date balance that we seem to have created. She is lovely. I responded with some toned-down gushing.
Basically, and this is the absolute truth, I was delighted to just spend time as friends with TT. He is such a fun person, and we really did click on a deep level. I feel really drawn to him, and I have this very strong inclination towards being friends with him. I wouldn't be crushed if he didn't want to date me, but I think I might be if he didn't want to be my close friend, if that makes any sense. It's kind of like how I have felt upon meeting significant friends over the years, like L, or one of my closest girlfriends KBD (she's kinda a big deal) - I just knew that we would be great friends. That said, I obviously have a crush on the guy.
Now I have a bit of a problem. Between reading Breaking Dawn all night and day, and girlishly squealing over TT intermittently throughout the day, it is a sad state of affairs over here at IC headquarters. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that patience is not my strong suit. My personality, especially when it comes to men, can be described as impatiently exuberant. With 57 days until D-day (not that I'm counting) I seriously need to relax and/or take a chill pill. Perhaps this state-imposed cooling off period is a good thing for my rushing, passionate, coming on too strongly, predatory, over the top ways. However, once that clock runs out, TT won't even know what hit him. That is, if he sticks around long enough to find out. Then again, I don't see how he couldn't - it just wouldn't seem fair.
I anxiously awaited the outing for the next several days. I didn't want to get too excited about it, just to have my hopes dashed, so I did my best to temper my bubbling enthusiasm for what lay ahead. Even if I were severely disappointed in TT upon our third meeting (who I hadn't encountered for 3 or 4 weeks at this point) I would still have the fair.
Well, I couldn't have over-expected as the magic of the fair over-delivered big time. Here's a quick overview:
People in our group: 9
Animals petted: 8
Fried foods eaten: 5
Dares: 1 series, escalating
Rides: 3
Inside jokes created: about a million
Awkward silences: 0
Times our hands, arms and/or legs accidentally brushed together: multiple
Times I liked it: all
Hours spent at the fair: 7
Phone numbers exchanged: 2
People that are now gaga: at least 1, maybe 2
The next day I got an email from L thanking me for being part of the group, and not so subtly asking for me to dish on TT. She said that we seemed like "two peas in a pod" and that we had too much in common and too much "click" to not have at least the potential of something promising in our future. She also offered to create more opportunities for us to get together in a group setting so as to not upset the delicate not-a-date balance that we seem to have created. She is lovely. I responded with some toned-down gushing.
Basically, and this is the absolute truth, I was delighted to just spend time as friends with TT. He is such a fun person, and we really did click on a deep level. I feel really drawn to him, and I have this very strong inclination towards being friends with him. I wouldn't be crushed if he didn't want to date me, but I think I might be if he didn't want to be my close friend, if that makes any sense. It's kind of like how I have felt upon meeting significant friends over the years, like L, or one of my closest girlfriends KBD (she's kinda a big deal) - I just knew that we would be great friends. That said, I obviously have a crush on the guy.
Now I have a bit of a problem. Between reading Breaking Dawn all night and day, and girlishly squealing over TT intermittently throughout the day, it is a sad state of affairs over here at IC headquarters. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that patience is not my strong suit. My personality, especially when it comes to men, can be described as impatiently exuberant. With 57 days until D-day (not that I'm counting) I seriously need to relax and/or take a chill pill. Perhaps this state-imposed cooling off period is a good thing for my rushing, passionate, coming on too strongly, predatory, over the top ways. However, once that clock runs out, TT won't even know what hit him. That is, if he sticks around long enough to find out. Then again, I don't see how he couldn't - it just wouldn't seem fair.
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